


Shreewee

by LordZimbo



Category: Pee-Wee's Playhouse, Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985), Shrek, Shrek (2001), Shrek 2 (2004), Shrek Series
Genre: AU, Crack, Multi, Other, Secrets, Shrek - Freeform, alternative universe, chair, sex dungeon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7707646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordZimbo/pseuds/LordZimbo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a better world where Shrek and Pee-Wee Herman coexist. Their lives collide and hidden truths are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shreewee

**Shrek's Swamp**  
 **Fiona and Shrek are fighting**  
"I've just about had it wit u Fiona! I am leaving for good and getin me own swamp!" Shrek said angrily as he threw his now empty beer bottle against the wall, smashing it into pieces. Fiona jumped back frightened and shielded herself. "Shrek! Stop it honey! Please just calm down!"  
"Goodbye Fiona." He said loudly. Shrek stepped outside the shack and slammed the door. He stormed out of the swamp with his fists still clenched tightly.

 **One Hour Later**  
"Aheeheeheheeheeee"  
Shrek freezed in place. What was that noise he wondered?  
"Hee hee HOO!"  
His body tensed up.  
"Hello?! Whoever is out there show yourself!" Shrek called out.  
No reply.  
"Aight ye hooligans I'm gon count to ten and if ye don't reveal yourselves I'm going to be kicking some butts this evening!"  
A faint giggle is heard in the distance.  
"Alright here I come."  
Shrek broke off a branch of the nearest tree and firmly grasped it in his fist. He began to follow the direction in which the giggle came from. Suddenly he saw something in the distance. He squinted and began to make out something blue and fluffy. He approached it slowly and carefully trying to be as careful as possible. It had big eyes and a wide mouth. Shrek gasped upon seeing the creature up close. It was an alive chair!

Suddenly before Shrek could even blink the chairs arms stretched out as fast as a lightning bolt and wrapped around his large tummy. Shrek was pulled onto the chair and locked into place. 

"Let go of me ya stoopid chair!" He yelled as he attempted to break free. There was no point in struggling so Shrek just let out a sign and relaxed his body. He rested his head against the back of the chair and closed his eyes; accepting that there was nothing he could possibly do but wait.

A few moments later there was a snap of a branch. Shrek's eyes opened wide and he lifted his head up.  
"Hehehehe!" The same giggle was heard again.  
"SHOW YE SELF!" Shrek yelled angrily.  
Shrek felt something squirm beneath him and turned his body to see what it was. A autistic looking man was seeping out of the chair! Shrek was absolutely stunned! The man spilled out from beneath and squeezed next to Shrek.  
"I'm PeeWee! PeeWee Herman!" He put his hand out for a handshake. Shrek shook his hand, but grasped it a little to tightly as PeeWee quickly pulled back. The two men were still trapped in the chairs arms.  
"So how we get outa here??" Shrek asked.  
PeeWee scratched his chin deep in thought.  
"Oh I remember! You just have to kiss me and say the _magic phrase!_ "  
"Erm, and what may that be?"  
" ** _No homo_**!"  
"What?!"  
"You gotta say **NO HOMO**! That's what Tito told me!" 

Shrek sighed."Aight PeeWee..."  
"On the count of 4! 4.....3.......2........1!"  
PeeWee and Shrek both leaned in and kissed. Shrek pulled back immediately   
" **NO HOMO**." Both said simultaneously. The chair let go and the two men hopped off. The chair began to move and slid backwards revealed a staircase beneath.  
"What's down there?" Shrek asked.  
"Hmm," PeeWee said with a smirk, "how about we check it out..?"  
Shrek felt a bit uneasy but couldn't help being curious. He slowly began down the stairs with PeeWee close behind. As they got halfway down the staircase the chair quietly slid back over the opening without the two noticing.

At the bottom of the steps there was a heavy wood door. Shrek pushed it open and walked in. The room was pitch black. PeeWee slowly closed the door behind them and locked it. He then reached beside him and flicked a switch. Immediately the room began to dimly light up with lanterns. Shrek was frozen in a mix between fear and shock. What he saw before him was something he could not process. He felt PeeWee's presence inching closer and closer to him slowly. PeeWee whispered into Shrek's ear.  
"I'm not wearing any underwear...."  
The words were chilling and Shrek's blood went cold.

**This was a sex dungeon.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my G's


End file.
